Today’s shirt is a total mystery:

This is another one I recently found buried away, that I’m pretty sure I haven’t worn in 5 or 6 years.  Cleaning up is a real goldmine when it comes to turning up free shirts.  But what the hell is it?

I’m assuming this is a band t-shirt, but the only artist I could find is some outfit from London, and they don’t use the umlaut in their name, so I don’t think it’s them.

So, the larger question here, “Is there any t-shirt that you won’t wear?”  Let me tell you about my personal holy grail.

To this day, one of my all-time favorite music videos is “Hold It Now, Hit It” by the Beastie Boys.  It looks like it was shot on a handheld camera one afternoon while the three of them were hungover as hell, and it’s just spectacular.  But the real nugget of joy in the video is Mike Diamond’s t-shirt.

It’s tough to see in this crap-ass screen capture, but his t-shirt has a bottle of Tide detergent on it.  How cool is that?  I’m assuming that it was one of those free promo items that his mom probably got back in the 1970s for mailing in 5 proof of purchases for Tide, powder or liquid, now with color-safe bleach.  And as bitchin’ as it is, and as badly as I want one, it got me to thinking:

What would be even better?

I am confident that at some point, the Wyeth company, first formed as American Home Products in 1860, must have kicked out some free t-shirts for one of their products.  Specifically, I am interested in one that first hit the market in 1935:

Oh, sure.  I could just buy a box, go down to Old Sac, hit one of the t-shirt shops, have them scan it and put the image on a t-shirt for me.  BUT THAT WOULD GO AGAINST THE VERY PRINCIPLE OF THE THING.

I would also probably end up with some taffy and a parking ticket for my trouble, but no, I say!  NO!  A t-shirt must come to me organically, or not at all.  I am not going to play God, and just make a t-shirt!  If The Island Of Doctor Moreau has taught us nothing, and it hasn’t, because I never saw it because it sounded really stupid, it’s that Val Kilmer and Marlon Brando probably made that movie just for the dough, and that Fairuza Balk is hot.

Anyway, The Craft had a pretty good soundtrack, but I never saw the movie.

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